David's identity issues - Who we trust makes a difference

King David's identity trust issues are a lot like mine: I've trusted God for a long time but I can switch to trusting ME in less than ONE picosecond! I also switch over to listening to others' (auditory and visual) affirmations or perceived rejections just like the Rifleman when he re-cocks his Winchester SRC! David was tempted because he was hungry! He wasn't aware of God's plan being worked out in his life. Perhaps he had stopped writing hit songs (Psalms). He had stayed home instead of leading his troops into battle. And when he looked down off his palace rooftop suite he didn't have mentors close enough to stop him from following through with his lust. Like David, I usually have that open door to confess before I fall further into the open bag of M&M's. David could have confessed to a friend about his "telescopic" fall. Laura and I have stood where King David's palace was and looked down the hill to where Bathsheba would have been. Do you have two or three people you can run to when temptations comes?

My old buddy, Oswald says, "Never trust anything in yourself or in anyone else, but the grace of God." Ultimate trust in myself or anyone else will always disappoint me and bring even more temptation. When I trust God, I learn to trust others and myself in "healthy ways" that don't expect too much. Far too often, I'm subconsciously expecting others to be way too perfect." I expect my life, my day, my world to be perfect, warm, inviting, fun, full of direction and meaning . . . WAIT A MOMENT, this earth is not Heaven. God will bring Heaven down here and recreate our world new - but it's in His perfect time, not mine!

For now, my perfect moments are realizing God wants to live in me right now. Here's the other O.C. quote from today's devotion that I think is amazing, "God's trust is that He gives me Himself as a Baby. God expects my personal life to be a 'Bethlehem.' "

Oswald's devotion helps me trust more, reading Proverbs everyday, John 14-17 once a month, and other parts of the Bible all help me believe more in the miracle of God living in me. My hunger levels go down as I drink from the right well (John 4). Prayer, praying for others, worship in music and out in nature, running, cycling, being with friends, going to church, serving, tithing . . . , all of these are gifts that help me believe I'm God's personal Bethlehem. Who best will define your identity today?

Take time to look up the following verses using Bible Gateway's portal:

Proverbs 4:23, Psalm 9:10, Ps. 18:19; 23; 30:11, 31:20; 32;8; 33:17; 36:1,5; 37:7;39:7;51:7;63:1-6; 89:8;113:6-8; 139 (all), Isaiah 44:22; 43:1-7.
Enjoy!

Confession helps with "out of control appetite"

So my friends Jason and Jessica dropped by yesterday and . . . they brought me a big bag of peanut M&M's (and other cool stuff). They are such a cool couple. (I'm so excited to be doing their Wedding this June.) The bag got opened last night . . . you guessed it, there's only a few lonely pieces of gold left (I like the green and blue ones best!). That's my confession and I'm sticking to it!

Healthy confession boundaries (think banks of a river every time you hear this word):

1) What's my motive? Am I confessing mostly to get rid of guilt and shame? If that's the case be careful that you don't use others. Remember my little mantra, "USE things and love people . . . never USE people and love THINGS." To USE people so you don't have to feel guilty can be cruel and wrong! What do I mean? If I confess some mess-up to someone else, it's forever stuck in their brain. Men, don't confess your screw-ups to other women (maybe your mom or your wife . . . sometimes a girlfriend). I've confessed things to my sister, and a very dear female friend I've know for 40+ years (I only confessed to this friend in the presence of my wife -we had agreed that she would be a good person to share with re: one area of my life.) Even confessing to Laura, I must ask, "What's my motive?" Why? Because timing is so important. If I'm only thinking of myself, I might miss that reality that sometimes when I want to confess to Laura she's exhausted, or needing to share something herself. Healthy confession makes sure that we aren't just DUMPING on others.

2) Stay away from the color-commentary! Sharing graphic details of a fall can make others fall, or at least it's stuck forever in their memory -not good! In the last 29 years I've seen so many couples share every detail of an affair. I'm still not convinced it helped with healing, with trust, or with honesty. If you are like me, you can allow your inquisitive side to run wild. I'm fearful if I don't know everything I can't trust you. Be careful. Pray long and hard. Maybe bounce off a trusted, spiritually mature friend your confession (still no details) before you share with your mate. There are thoughts that should never be shared with anyone except God. There is no RULE for this; you have to listen to God's spirit. This has nothing to do with hiding. It serves no purpose to go into details about what you thought when you lusted after someone. If you had a physical affair you might share that you met 15 times, or that didn't do certain things, but to go into complete detail is a curse I've seen so many couples struggle with. Again, we often confess just to get rid of guilt, not to be free from further temptation. I would even go as far as to say there are times when you don't confess to your mate. (This is a hard one to explain on my blog, but if you share with a spiritual counselor or trusted pastor, you might find there are times this is true - I would say this is rare, an exception.) The POINT is that confession is to rid yourself of hiding and to build a team around you so you don't fall into this snake pit again. If you're having an affair you might want to see a counselor or pastor before you confess to your mate. Timing is a gift from God too!

Finally, confession is a team gift, usually it's good to share with more than ONE person. Think of those you confess to as God's cheering team meant to encourage, give renewed hope, and strength. King David wrote out confessions for all the people to sing. He learned not to hide. He was one of the few that God said, "This guy has a heart like mine." David learned to be authentic and real. Read his story and then come back for some fantastic verses he wrote. (I promise I'm going to give them to you!).

David's big fall. Being called out. His prayer of confession.

What made David so hungry? Why was the awareness of his true identity so bruised? Read Psalm 32.

Curbing your appetite (Temptation blogs continued)

Curbing your appetite could mean buying one of those expensive, it's been used in the jungles of Peru for thousands of years, gel capsules sold at Walgreen's or . . . how about a "wheat grass and pure maple syrup (dark ale) elixir (on scoop of protein powder, a cup of frozen blueberries, and a cap full of pure vanilla extract)?

Hunger is sometimes an addictive habit that our muscles, nerves, and memories build over time. We were made for a perfect world and hunger is a reminder that it's not all here yet. Later today I want to share some of the ways King David didn't take care of his hunger and the consequences. David learned how to use the gift of confession (I'll go over that too). . . . got to run . . . (literally) . . . back to blog soon.

God is MY shepherd (perfect being to care for all of me) and He will FILL up all my needs! Do I believe this? If I let Him, he will MAKE me lay down and take a rest in Him. Will I? It will make a huge difference in my hunger level.

Check this Bible verse out - WOW!

How hungry are you? Hunger fuels temptation!

Have you ever watched someone when they were really, really hungry?

What do you think?


Hunger boosts desire. Desire finds it's life in what we hope for. What do you hope for more than anything else? This is why when God says
"Know Yourself" (I Corinthians 10:12 . . . Watch out when you think you're strong). I'm so unaware of how hungry I am for affirmation, for safety, for a sense of direction. I want to know there's a reason for breathing, living, and doing what I'm doing today. My longing, my imagining what "I think" is best fuels my desire for a microwave "NOW!" I need to feel "Ok" right now. Thus my previous "good use" of M&M's (Yes, I really did have a serious addiction to M&M's.) It sounds silly, and it's easy to discount the "little stuff", but it's a flag of what I really hope for; I keep wanting Heaven (a perfect, full-filled-up world) NOW! But Heaven is only in my heart, not complete. I've got to wait for God's perfect timing. M&M's (Only the peanut ones tempt me!) are an easy fix that lasts for a few minutes and gives one the illusion (and physiological boost) of being fulfilled. I've been to the Las Vegas M&M store - fun. But really, does it ever last?

Psalm 81 talks about how our lust turns us away from God, who wants to fill us up, and causes us to allow our minds to imagine "unknowable" gods as real. We actually try to have a "relationship" with "things." Check out verses 8-12. The Hebrew word used for "lust" can also mean "stubbornness." It's from an ancient root word that means "to twist" to make a rope. It is related to the word for our umbilical cord. Our human DNA is designed to supply life. Our lusts are "desire" out of control. So how does this all relate to temptation?

1) When I'm really full, wanting to buy expensive "fresh packed Claussen pickles" at the grocery store isn't a big temptation. (I like expensive olives, cheese, and other fine foods too!) One of the things that saved Laura and I from disaster and divorce was that we have consistently spent a lot of time and money investing in each other. We are best friends. We've grown over the years to love the same sports, same outdoor activities, art, and even reading material. If you're empty on healthy relationships, you will be addicted to something! Temptation always uses hunger as a way of getting our direction turned the other way. Watch, and surround yourself with friends who are on the same road, have the same ultimate goals as you, especially when you're tired and hungry.

2) Remind yourself often what really fills you up! I still like M&M's but I save them for movies. I also like the fact that I rarely get sick (watching how much simple sugar I eat). I like being flexible and able to play hard with my kids (and soon granddaughter - She will be one amazing soccer player (she's very tall), real baller, and fabulous tennis star. (Also Michelle Wie will have been nothing compared to this girl!) Anyway, that's what makes one of my favorite sayings by King David so amazing, "Joy comes from your presence" not God's "presents." I keep loving things and using people. Lasting fullness comes when we love people and use things. Things are not bad. Nothing physical in itself is bad. (Guns don't kill people . . . you can smile, I'm trying to be funny . . . sorry!) It's when we turn things into our focus, our source for feeling "Ok" about ourselves that we end up abusing, using people. We turn away from God to our homemade gods. Here is one very "out of this world" Bible verse: Psalm 18:19! The word used for "place of safety" means literally "Wide space." Are you all boxed in, locked in a prison by your "out of control hunger?" God's hunger is to set us free! Why does God rescue us? What's His motive? God actually gets His kicks, delights, in us! God enjoys, finds His pleasure, in a relationship with us! God rested after 6 days of creation. Making things is good. But the only day he made holy was the 7th. What did God do on the 7th day of creation? He didn't make anything. He did what is most important, He spent time in relationship with His newest kids, Adam and Eve. Our ultimate purpose in life is to BE in relationship with God and others, in the same way He is in relationship to us!

Temptation dies when we are full on God's presence. Do you sense God in you? Have you invited God to live in you today? The whole idea of using disciplines like prayer, the reading of the Bible, and hanging out with others (church, small groups, etc) is that it helps us know and believe that God really does live in those who invite Him in! I have read Psalm 139 almost every day for 7 years. I try to read John 14-17 once a month. I want to fill up on reminders of God's presence in me. Check out this verse! It's exactly what I've been blogging about! Where do I find my joy? What should I do when I've got some great food? This is a cool concept . . . make sure you go to this link!

Tomorrow, more pictures and more on King David (some very cool texts) and how to curb the hunger that kills. (We will look at how to wake up the true hunger God placed inside of us) . . .

Missed hearing our story on Memorial weekend

Last memorial weekend was a big one with our new granddaughter being born, our oldest son doing an acoustical set with his band in Portland, and me talking at three times at two of our campuses about Temptation and what to do when we fall. Here are a few links for those of you who want to start at the first:

The video from this weekend
Blogs about the subject of temptation (1, 2)
Blogs with pictures of our granddaughter (1, 2,)

Tomorrow or the next day: What kind of CONFESSION is healthy and what kind could leave really big scars! How to make "confession work for you!" It's an amazing tool to destroy guilt and shame - it's powerful, so one must handle with care!

Still interrupted from my normal blogging - be patient

Laura and I are bringing our granddaughter home today . . . so . . . my ideas about how God wants to help us out of temptation are still on hold (try tomorrow).

Tomorrow, or late tonight, I want to blog about "Hunger" and lack of clear "direction," and how both twist our sense of value. When I feel like I'm stuck in a rut, when I'm hungry on the inside, it sets me up to want to fill up on "empty calories." We use quick-fix medications to attempt to be "fulfilled." I'll share what I mean tomorrow and how God met King David where he was with the "Way Out!"

But first, check these out; Elena's first bath! She loved it!

Elena Renee Avery Born May 25 @ 3:37 p.m.

It is a MEMORY-filled weekend! Our youngest son, Marcus interrupts my normal blog to bring a most beautiful little girl into the world. More later today - now, back to the hospital. Elena was 7 lb. 14 oz. and measured 213/4 in. - destined to become an amazing ball player,tennis star, and golf pro (Move over Michelle Wie). Keep returning for more pictures from the 8th Wonder of the world!

GOD’S THREE "KNOWS” ABOUT TEMPTATION

[Interruption: We will return to my series of blogs on identity - I finish my acronym "MASKS." But first let me share what I spoke about at church this weekend . . . Dealing with temptation. It's based on I Corinthians 10. It's all about who you know that makes the difference. Look at these three "Knows" found in the Bible.]
1. Know Yourself. I do a "rewind" every day in two journals; one is my prayer journal which I keep on my laptop and the other is a daily devotional that I record events I want to remember. Looking back each day, I've got ten years recorded. I see, over and over, so much about myself that I so easily forget. This is what Paul is talking about, KNOW YOURSELF! He says in I Corinthians 10:12, "If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall." The Greek word for "Think" is "My feelings about something." Have you ever caught yourself saying, "I feel OK about this." What does God think? I can feel so safe in a situation. I can see myself as so strong - Look a little closer Bruce, be careful with your strengths. Take the time to KNOW who YOU ARE!

I read Oswald Chambers everyday. I love what he says about this idea Paul's sharing with us – “Our unguarded strengths” says my British friend, are turned into “double weakness.” Realizing how weak I am leads me to the truth; "And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." Doctrine, Bible facts, or information isn’t what keeps temptations from crashing in on us, IT’S JESUS! “I am the way, truth, and the life.” Says Jesus. Truth is a person. Truth is Jesus (John 8:32; 14:16).

The second “Know” we find in I Cor. is to Know Your Enemy. I Peter 5 says Satan is a “Roaring Lion.” We’re not talking about that good Narnia lion. This is a lion with a paralyzing roar of guilt, shame, and lies. It paralyzes us with the lie that we are hopeless, worthless, and locked into our situations. Satan lives for one thing says Peter, to “Seek & destroy.” He is the Father of lies (John 8). His name is "Devil" which in Greek is pronounced “Diablos.” It means “One who falsely accuses.” Satan accuses God of not being good. He whispers lies to us that “We know better.” We know better than God what we really need; these are lies – cover-ups of the truth. Satan will try to misalign us in our view of ourselves. His words are false; he is The Devil, Diablo. He's the one that repeats over and over, "Where's God when you need him? You're screwed up. Maybe there isn't a God out there who will rescue you. Are you sure God's all that good?" Adam and Eve bought the lie that maybe God wasn't best for them 100% of the time. At least with this one special tree, they believed they could make the better choice. They weren't listening to who God said they were. God had told them when they visited the Dark Angel's embassy they wouldn't be wise. It looked ok, in fact very good. So they underestimated the enemy and overestimated their own strength.

Jesus is Truth –the word "truth" is a very interesting word in the Bible. Truth in the NT is a word which literally means “That which is not hidden or secret!” Satan’s all about cover-ups and mistruths. We hide behind masks of things, performance, and what others tell us. We are hiding from our past screw ups. Jesus is never hiding from us! He has come to offer us freedom from hiding! Every time I’m afraid and keeping secrets, I'm tempted to believe the Father of lies, Satan.

In the Old Testament, the Hebrew word for Truth means, “Firmness, or faithfulness.” It comes from an ancient root word which denoted a parent, “carrying a child in their arms.” It also was a word used to represent a pillar that held up a building. Truth in the Bible carries the idea of that which is “sure, certain, lasting!” Coming to Jesus builds a consistency, the true belonging that destroys our natural fear of abandonment. Being honest about who we are and who are enemy is opens our eyes even more to hear Jesus, THE TRUTH, THE WAY –REAL LIFE. Jesus is trustworthy when he whispers the words of His father, "I will NEVER leave or abandon you."

# 3 of our “Know” is to KNOW YOUR GOD! Paul reminds us in verse 15 and 16 of I Corinthians 10, that communion is that remembering of Who we belong to! It’s a reminder of “Who knows best.”

We are tempted to think we are unique in our temptation. Several people came up to me
Saturday night and expressed how “alone and isolated” they felt. They had believed they alone were serious mess-ups. Listen to what Paul says in I Corinthians 10:13: "The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.”

Here’s the answer to those times when temptation has caused you to fail, or you are about to fail; verse 14, "So, my dear friends, flee from the worship of idols." The word “Worship” is an Old English word which meant “to ship your worth” or “valuables.” Look at what is most valuable to you. Do you look to these things, these people, these securities as your worth? An idol is what object, thought, or person you serve.

Three things that have helped me the most with temptation are: 1. Flee 2. Don’t isolate yourself, use God’s gift, Confession, to keep you from hiding (Tomorrow I’ll blog about King David and the amazing words of encouragement for those who fall. I also want to share the difference between healthy and dangerous confession.). Number three (3), Refocus on who God says you are! Remember freedom is all about who you “know.” Do you know Jesus as your personal friend, the only one who can set you free?

I love this promise; start claiming it today –"What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? 32 Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won't he also give us everything else? 33 Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. 34 Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, . . . ." Romans 8:31-34.

MASK - In search of our True Identity

Last night a good friend and young lady that Laura and I get to mentor had her story videotaped at our Living Hope creative arts studio. Seeing her courage, her vulnerable, authentic surrender to what GOD SAYS about her was so inspiring. If you are at Living Hope this Saturday night or Portland on Sunday you will see her story. It so illustrates the mask of APPEARANCE. Beneath these cover-ups the deeper issue remains -it's our identity and who we believe we are that really determines our honesty and authenticity. Brittany's story is like so many others, she just wanted to be loved and accepted. It was so easy to tie on the mask of attractiveness.

Masks don't just cover up our realness, they set us up for temptations that lock us in addictive prisons and keep us from meaningful relationships. All medicating activities, things, and thoughts are nothing more than masks. They do work! But only for awhile, and then the hunger returns with great ferocity. It's now turned into a twisted hunger that can't be satisfied. Drinking, parties, or vegging out in front of the TV; it's all the same, a mask to hide from the lies we believe about ourselves. Drugs work or else they wouldn't attract us. But to medicate to avoid fears or difficulties is only to make the situation worse. The drug could be disguised through obsessions with our talents or work, but it's still there! Today I want to share a few minutes about the third mask so many of us use to falsely measure our value; it's the word, SKILL.

First a quick review of our value cover-up MASK:
Money I've been tempted to use the $1,200 Uncle or Aunt Sam sent me towards a BIG flat screen TV . . . what about you? How does money nibble away at you?
Appearance Diets, $30 a month on nails, clothing, jewelry, surgery . . . trying to attract others? What's your temptation? Does trying to "look good" become your value gauge?
Skill
To illustrate an extreme example of how tight this particular mask fits, I've chosen Michael Jackson. His contribution to music, entertainment, and music video art can be disputed or disagreed with, but he did have an influence on society (millions of dollars worth). Be it Michael Jordon, Jackson, or Fox - their talents illustrate the masks by which society often tells us we're valuable. Our accomplishments, what we do, now becomes the way we feel OK about ourselves. Muhammad Ali, our craze over American Idol, all of it is part of that mask that focuses on what we DO! We are enticed to become "human doings." Athletes use drugs, take money under the table, and often fall into addictive prisons because our society is so in love with this mask. It's an easy way to try and believe we're OK.

For males, this mask has been the primary way we find value. When our first parent, Adam, decided that God didn't know best, the natural consequence, a self-fulfilling curse was born. It focused on accomplishments and work, but it wouldn't allow for satisfaction. Sweat, that effort of trying to make something turn out ok, this curse still drives us to fill our days with more and more activities. Being in those moments with that amazing awareness of who we really are, God's kids, gets lost in our constant measurement of how much we've got done (even those numerous not-yet-done home projects can steal our peace).

I so struggle in this area. I compare myself with other's productivity, their contributions to society, their usefulness, and then I beat up on myself for not doing enough. My first memory of gaining my father's approval, and disapproval came in the area of work and how skilled I was. A great deal of our TV shows are gladiator types of competition that reward the most gifted, skilled, best performer types. Satan confuses our sense of what makes us valuable. When I don't hear or see any affirmation for "what I do" I began to doubt everything God says about me. This is my favorite mask. I love it and I hate it at the same time. This is a "regular" temptation of mine.

The very first murder in history bought into this mask. This older brother, measured what he did best against what his brother brought as a gift to God. Cain wanted desperately to have what HE did count! His struggle with trusting God's way brought intense anger. Seeing his brother's sacrifice accepted made him hate his brother. (Why didn't he try boxing with God? That's who really ticked him off.) In his rage he took the first human life on planet earth. His production, his work, his accomplishments were rejected as what counts most before God so he began to take life away from others. Do you think this is a dangerous mask?

How much of "who you are" is hidden behind "what you do?" Being honest with where I was, and running back to God, saved me from the loss of my wife in 1983. Instead of her divorcing me, I began to see that my "workaholic" obsession was just as dangerous as that person who used alcohol or other drugs to hide. Do I still struggle with this mask? Only about 16 hours a day (I'm doing so good at keeping track of my record that I think I'll make an Excel sheet to track my progress. . . help!).

"Be still and KNOW that I am God!"

"I've been in love with you and have accepted you even before I made you or this world!"

"All your accomplishments are lined up to do battle, but I'm the one who really brings victory."

Will you believe yourself more than God? Who knows best? Who can best define your value?

MASKS - How my obsession with "Appearance" hurts me

Money is a huge mask and looking at yesterday's response from a young lady who shared the decision she made re: the government stimulus check touched me. Laura and I have invested more than $150,000 into God's work in the last 33 years and many more $$$ into Christian education. We've given a lot of time. We've given up much of our retirement. Yes, for us it has been so worth it! Giving is a joy! Giving for the right reasons - because we're been given life, love, eternal friendship, is what it's all about. If you struggle with the Mask of Money, don't try to tear this mask off by yourself. Reach out to someone further along the adventure and ask for prayer, wisdom, encouragement. Let the money mask go. My father gave a very vast amount of money throughout his life to God's work. He never did it to get anything back. But he is the most blessed man ever to have lived in the 20th century. (He wouldn't want me to brag about him like this, but he'll have to wait for the resurrection to argue with me.)

Today's mAsks are all about Appearance! What we wear, how we fix our hair, hide our fat . . . our outward appearance can easily become a Mask, a cover-up, for fears and lies about our value.

Money
Appearance:
Marilyn Monroe was a very interesting and unique person. I've read a few books and interviewed people who have talked to people who worked with her. (Wow, how trustworthy is that?)

Not at all unlike the story of Howard Hughes, Marilyn had talent and power. She hung out, slept with, and married some of the most powerful people in her world. She was admired, worshiped, and lusted after by thousands. Still, that empty, gapping hole of not having a parent to tell her how valuable she was, how loved and cared for she was led her down a dark, sad, trail that ended nowhere. Abused, taken advantage of, and finally abandoned by many who called her friend, she died in a cloud of mystery (most likely murder). What a testimony to the hollow shell of hiding behind appearance as a way of feeling good about one's self.

This has been a huge mask in my own life. I became conscious of my appearance when I was eleven. Southern California had just come out with with "flare" pants, soon to be called "bell bottoms." I so wanted a pair. I also pleaded with my mom to "block my hair in the back." She refused and at age 12 I ran away from home. (It lasted for an hour before my dad came and picked me up.) Then I got shipped off to a private boarding school when I was 14 and had to cut my long hair and couldn't wear blue jeans. I'd bought leather jeans, spent way too much on my hair. (God has such a sense of humor, and I'm not blaming God for taking my hair . . . but it does make me laugh.)

When I was in the 6th grade I realized that I had more hair on my arms than any other kid in our entire school (long sleeve shirts for two years). I didn't share with anyone how much I hated my "not big enough" nose until I was nearly thirty.

I've talked with hundreds of people who've been in the prisons of anorexia, binge eating, cutting, burning, and other traps that come when we buy into the mask of appearance. Physical, sexual, and emotional abuse attack our mental psyche. But like any other mask that we use to try and like ourselves, God can set us free. I've seen my friends get their noses redone and other parts remodeled and still no lasting change. There is only one answer. Our value must come from a deep belief that what God says about us is true. No doubt how we treat our bodies can and does make a difference in how strong our belief in what God says sticks. But don't ever think you really will like yourself more by focusing on your appearance.

For seven years I read the following words several times a week - try them out yourself.

Here's one of the three-word prayers I've prayed every day for the past three years - "I Am Yours." Knowing through every fiber of my being that I belong to God, His son in whom He is so pleased. I believe this more and more every day. But oh how I need to hang out with others who believe this too. Praying and staying in God's Word is vital for me.

Tomorrow (maybe) our Masks continue with a look at SKILL. (Do you ever feel valuable because of talent, skill, hard work?) Being a long time workaholic, I've got a few things to say about this one. It's one of the oldest curses recorded in all of written history. The curse of trying to find value by what we DO!

Imagine what God imagines about you

God's view of us is our true reality! Who do you trust about your true value? Yourself? Others? God? Who's most trustworthy?

So we've been in a series called "Rock Star" at Living Hope and I was thinking of an acronym I've used for the past 20 years that represents how we typically try to measure our value. The word I use is M-A-S-K-S. We wear Masks because . . . well, they do serve a purpose don't they? They allow us to hide what we see as a "not so cool" self. Ultimately we use them to protect ourselves. Our masks are fear-based reinforcements of untruths. They are the opposite of what God says about us. Warriors have worn them. Religions have used them. Moses used a mask to hide the fact that God's glory faded from his face far too soon. Wearing the mask kept all those fickle followers from doubting his authority. When Moses would hang out with God on the mountain his face would glow for a long time after coming back home. The people were in awe. But after some time the glow began to fade. Moses started wearing a mask. What's your favorite mask?

The first two letters of my Mask are Money and Appearance.

MONEY - You don't have to be rich or even greedy to find this mask making you feel like you're more of a man or woman. Money can give you a sense of being in control. You will be admired by someone maybe more depending on how much money you have. You can have really bad hair and a very poor personality, but if you have lots of money you can feel very valuable.

I've used money to buy electronic gadgets, pens, watches, you name it . . . money is a great mask for buying that next toy to give you an OK sensation for the next few minutes, hours, or days. But even though masks can cover up well, they can fill our heart with that real sense of being A-OK. They are just masks.

Howard Hughes might be the perfect representative for this mask. He was smart, daring, and did so much for our society in the field of aviation. But all the money in the world, and he had a great deal of it, was not enough. His life grew more and more meaningless and eventually he isolated himself completely from all relationships. His last few years he grew his hair long, didn't bathe, and began to display serious mental health issues. Howard Hughes tried to escape his mask towards the end of his life, but the very people he hired to protect him kept him locked up physically and emotionally until he died. His last few months there were two TVs running 24-7 at full volume and he kept all his urine in jars, refusing to let them be disposed of. Looking at all his accomplishments, his fame, his wealth, the women, everything, it a shocking testimony of how destructive the money mask is.

Reality Check: In spite of knowing this I still wrestle with this mask. Why? We will never be free by trying to remove the mask ourselves. My buddy Paul has said it a thousand times, "I can do ALL things ONLY (I added this myself) through . . . " Look it up! Spend some time reviewing how you are attached to money. What are you going to do with that extra money we're paying ourselves via the government? (Did you get your check?) Ask God how He wants you to use it? He really does know what is best for us.

Masks often are made of "Appearance." Tomorrow I'll feature a woman I've read a fair bit about. She was lusted after by a president and leader of Russia's superpower. This lady's beginnings, her struggles, and her amazing mask represent this dangerous cover-up - more tomorrow.

Some sudden, somewhat impulsive thoughts re. criticism of The Shack, our addiction to being "useful" and . . . other random stuff

What amazing weather (I grew up with hot summers) and I even slept in this morning (a rare treat) until 7:30 (there's something wrong with that . . . part of getting old . . .). I'm alone, sitting in one of my two favorite chairs (drinking Kona coffee -very good!) and reading my British-Friend-Chap O.C. (11 yrs. this June) and journaling. I didn't like today's devotional at all - just does nothing for me! So I did something I almost never d0(strong words), I read tomorrow's devotion (May 18); Oh WOW! I didn't get past more than the first three sentences and I wanted to stop and blog . . . I did! I stopped half way through and I'm going to do some passionate blogging right NOW (buckle up)!

First - it's not dumb to "dumb-down life" to one simple philosophy - "Life is all about friendships!" Who your best friends, and your ultimate friend is makes every, I mean absolutely every, difference in your life, and a huge difference in others!" Aline, line up, yourself with people who are headed where you want to go. Hang out more with people who passionately have similar core beliefs. Want to lose weight and be healthy and full of energy? Add to your life people who are extremely healthy, happy, and in great shape! Life does rub off! Make your life focus more simple! Live to be in relationship with the ONE, and ones, you love. We were made to live in full, complete, passionate, all-good, relationships. (Heaven will be restored when all destructive hate is forever erased and everyone is completely BEST FRIENDS with God!) We are not even called "in the image of God" in ourselves, rather in relationships of friendship we become a "reflection" of what God's like! Yes, I'm a preacher dude!

Warning: I'm going to rant and rave in this paragraph (If you're real religious this might turn you off)! I've started hearing some criticism regarding the book, The Shack, lately. Some of this criticism is very faint, perhaps condescending. It goes like this: "It's a good book as long as you remember it's not theologically correct." I'll simply say that many of those making the comment may not even know the meaning of the word "theology." I think they mean it's doctrinally, Biblically, incorrect. This discounts or even raises concerns consciously or subconsciously, I think, regarding the book. Yes, it's a novel and the focus is on painting a picture of why God allows pain and suffering and what He's trying to do to win us back into a forever friendship (pretty good theology - try looking up this word! Note the "Specialty definition." Can you see why this word gets so misused?) I'm NOT going to try and defend the book. It's OK if you don't like it, or don't find it drawing you closer to Jesus. It might even be "wrong" teaching for you. Here's what gets me, "I have two friends who have never read the book but are pretty free to question it. Like the anti-Harry Potter craze that hit with the popularity of the first book, many are very free to give opinions for something they've not always looked closely at (I've only read the first Harry Potter book and actually used it to share how Jesus gave His life for us with a neighbor). Here's my "chicken," (or "beef" for those "north of Battle Ground WA." folk) BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU CRITICIZE PUBLICLY IF YOU HAVEN'T RESEARCHED IT WELL. God's Spirit can do ok without us. God is working and touching people's lives. I think we end up playing "God" sometimes without even realizing it. You don't have to read "The Shack" to disagree with it. Reading stuff on the net can be very misleading - Several who criticize it haven't read it themselves! Several, a lot of, years ago I read the book This Present Darkness by Frank Peretti (I actually helped with an evangelist outreach in the Key Arena with his brother - cool guy). I didn't want to read it when it came out in 1986, and didn't for about 3 years. But some dear friends wouldn't leave me alone (Another Pastor at Living Hope and I have together bought more than 50 copies of "The Shack.") So Laura and I began to read it on a long drive from S. Idaho to S. California. I didn't like it. I felt it had wrong theology and wrong doctrine. I felt it set the reader up to be critical of all "mainline" Christian churches. I struggle with being critical of all denominations period (pray for me). Laura and I were on our way home from sunny Cal and found that every time she read the book for about 20 minutes or more we felt a dark oppression in our car. We finally stopped reading (we had less than 50 pages left). This is the first time I've ever publicly stated how much I dislike this book. I held back all these years, not because I didn't finish the last 50 pages (it's a good sized book), but because I saw so many friends' lives touched and changed by it! They began to pray more, care more for lost people and examine areas they had not given over to Jesus. It really became something good for them. Try out this idea (from Jesus), "Let each person be fully convicted (convinced) in their own mind." (Romans 14:5 - Greek). This is it, "Don't grumble about your fellow Christ follower. You might be condemning yourself. Watch out! The Judge is coming -He's standing at your own door!" (a bga translation - check it out HERE and HERE) James 5:9. One final note ("Enough Bruce!"): People who aren't exposed to religion and need to meet Jesus and accept Him as their personal Forever-Friend tend to love this book!

Finally, back to O.C. - this is so cool: "Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin"— they simply are! Think of the sea, the air, the sun, the stars, and the moon— all of these simply are as well— yet what a ministry and service they render on our behalf! So often we impair God’s designed influence, which He desires to exhibit through us, because of our own conscious efforts to be consistent and useful. Jesus said there is only one way to develop and grow spiritually, and that is through focusing and concentrating on God. In essence, Jesus was saying, "Do not worry about being of use to others; simply believe on Me." In other words, pay attention to the Source, and out of you "will flow rivers of living water" (John 7:38 ). We cannot discover the source of our natural life through common sense and reasoning, and Jesus is teaching here that growth in our spiritual life comes not from focusing directly on it, but from concentrating on our Father in heaven." Reference listed above (May 18).

Do you try too hard to be useful to Jesus? A spouse or friend? Have ever met someone who was very intent on "getting married?" Relax in WHO YOU ARE IN Jesus! Just be with Jesus more (I'm speaking Memorial weekend on how to Win over Temptation! It has so much to do with our "Image" not our "Rock Star, wanna be" false images. It's one of my favorite of all talks.)

I have written in my Oswald Chambers journal these words, "Trying harder makes life harder. It just squeezes out God's amazing Grace!" What's your motive for "what you work so hard at?" Spend some quiet time listening -You will hear some very vital "stuff." Listen often and long enough and you're very likely to hear God's warm voice. The Best Friend in all the Universe will never lead you away from what is best or good. Only towards whole, complete, fullfilling, filled up-over-running friendship (True Love)!

Spin Class, Identity, and faulty self-talk

It was my day off and I was in the gym . . . something the Spin Class teacher said keeps going round and round in my head (I was pushing hard on that stationary bike, ugh, and dealing with the cold, hard reality that this teacher picks horrible music - Techno and Country . . . please!). It wasn't just what she said, but when she said it -she said, "Do what 's right for you!" This came with 1.5 min. to go of that "give it all you have" apex of a burnout. The more I think about what she said, that "blue light special" pop psychology phrase, the more I wonder how often it is very untrue. Here are a just a few reasons why I doubt the value of this phrase:

1. So often what's right for me is harmful to others (Like techno music! It even has the word "no" in it. Let me rant, not rave, for a second . . . Techno is wonderful if, and I mean if . . . you are on ecstacy and at a rave or maybe at a dance club . . . and know how to dance. It doesn't work when you're lifting weights!)

2. How can I trust ME to know what's right? This is where one can fall down a deep rabbit hole. It assumes that I know best what's BEST for me. In the case of my spin class, part of the magic of having a "teacher/coach" is that s/he understands how better to take me beyond what "I think is best" to that higher level . . . further up and further in . . . . I believe Bruce Avery seldom knows what's right by looking only to his own resources, ideas, and senses (I've bought so many cars without a "team" and I still focus only on "me" when buying my "electronic gadgets" most of the time . . . books too; I don't even consult my sweetheart.) God gives us great friends, His Spirit; Life is not a solo experience. This is one of the most common ways I end up going down the wrong trail . . . NO, I can't know what's right for me by just listening to me! I need friends!

I would offer up a better phrase, "DO WHAT'S RIGHT." Then you can honestly say what or who you base your opinion of "right."

Who do I trust most? Proverbs 14:12

Never Give Up

We had an amazing Mother's Day breakfast,
worship, and great times this last week (Pictures
of our air guitar contest at the bottom).



y My friend Jeff sent me this YouTube clip and as I began to watch it (it's nearly 8 minutes long) I thought, not so great, but by the time I finished it . . . oh wow! Watch it yourself and let me know what you think.




This is a great example of what it means to "never give up!" I have so many times looked at others and thought "They'll never make it." I judge their track record and their choices and attitudes . . . well, the hard cold reality is "I GIVE UP ON PEOPLE." I trust my senses and then I forget that life, the air I breath is all a miracle process. I belong to the God of they universe and GOD never gives up on me (or you). I can give up on others. I give up on myself. But God is not like me. God never gives up.

God has said, "I will never fail you. I will never forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5)

"I have swept away your sins like a cloud, your wrongdoings like the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you." (Isaiah 44:22)

Another way I was touched by the YouTube video was the incredible truth that anything good "is NEVER done solo." We are community. When I operate or think outside of God's design I'm always less and everything I could have added to life become less. The power of a team and the life, even when it seems beyond hope is witnessed by these creatures in nature.

Will I look beyond my senses when I'm tempted to give up on someone? Myself? Will I run back to those on a larger team and together believe that WE can overcome anything?

My identity is more than ME, it's US! When I dance with God (as Pastor John said so well a couple weeks ago) I realize more and more that I'm not alone and my real identity is restored.

Just for fun here's a couple pictures from our KidsWorld class this last Sunday at Portland. Watching the kids dance gave me such a joy - very deep and very good!

We also continued our theme of Rock Star by having an "Air Guitar" contest to start our Sunday off at Lakehurst's campus. How much fun!

Fun, Fun, Fun - Don't miss this Sunday!

What a fun kick-off to what may become one of my favorite Living Hope series - Rock Star. Here are few pictures of Justin the King who showed up introduce our series last week.

This weekend is Mother's Day and we have a team preparing a wonderful breakfast that will be served at 9 am in our banquet hall downstairs at the church. Bring a mom, a woman, or just yourself and enjoy (men will be served . . . eventually . . . don't worry).

Flowers and other wonderful treats will make this a very fun day (ONLY at the Portland campus). Men, you can come early have a blast helping (hint, hint)!

Boundaries R Rivers (Part II)

If you didn't read my last blog you may want to jump back there first (sorry it took me a few days to get back to it).

Boundaries may look a lot like a fort but they have very different motives behind them. They are very different. River banks exist to aid the river in it's desire to go somewhere. (Do rivers really have have hopes and passions?) Forts instead, focus on safety and self-preservation. Boundaries are all about the journey - they, by nature, celebrate life. A fort has a list of people and critters they want to keep out!

1. When I say, "No, that's not ok with me because it violates my personal boundary." what I sometimes mean is "No thank you, I don't want to do or allow that. Stop! I have own likes and dislikes." If that's what I'm trying to communicate then I'm not setting a boundary, I've just built a FORT. Forts don't always inhibit friendship, but far too often they do.

2. Boundaries empower! Forts selfishly "shut you out." A boundary affirms that our choices are strong and significant; they do make a big difference in life. Creating that "river bank" says I respect the fact that you and I were made in God's image - we are creative creators (made in God's image). Here's what I mean: If you scream at me, I want to affirm that you really do make a difference with your screaming. To ignore you or mentally retreat doesn't affirm your power of choice. You do make a difference in my life (not so good when you scream). By refusing to hang out in the "scream lab" with you, I'm reminding you how much free choice you have - that it really does affect our relationship. You need to be reminded of that, especially when you holler! You are strong, your choice is so powerful that I won't meet with you again until we are able to try and find some sort of "anti-scream" strategy, or at least a mutual exit plan. This boundary adds to the potential of a better friendship in the future. Just walking away and never communicating again is more of a, "I shut you out" Fort experience. It burns bridges and destroys rivers. It promotes mud!

3. Boundaries affirm future friendship possibilities. Forts are contract and conditionally driven. Just as a riverbank says, "I'm going somewhere, that's what makes me a river", so Boundaries say, "God made you and me. God loves us both." I set these boundaries so that I can grow, even more, in my belief that God likes you a lot. But if I keep letting you slap me in the face (even a critical or contemptuous emotional slap) I will eventually find it hard to keep on believing God likes you. I will be so emotionally drained that I will lose all attraction to a future friendship with you. My motive in setting a boundary is to hopefully preserve a chance for us to move into a better friendship in the future. For example, I had a friend who was often late to appointments we had set. It was not uncommon for him to forgot al ogether. It got so bad that I never knew if he would show up when we set a time to go do something. I was beginning to feel used and not very valued by him. Setting a boundary meant I didn't hang out with him until he called me the day before and a few hours before we were to meet. I told him this was my boundary. I actually planned other stuff. I told him I wouldn't call him if he forgot. And the next time I wouldn't set a time to hang out unless he came up with some sort of new plan. He didn't like it and so we didn't hang out. I felt really bad. The great thing is that I was able to have less feelings against him emotionally and can wait for a time in his life when hanging out will actually work. I would rather still have warm feelings of wanting to be his friend than to allow the growing emotions to turn our "river" into a "mud puddle."

I'm in that "boundary negotiation" faze with one of my close relatives right now. I want to stop, listen to what God's trying to say is best for this person I love. I want to see what defined affirmations of our individual uniqueness we need to have in place. I'm not satisfied with staying in the same "Ok" friendship, but want to grow more and more and more in our friendship.

In our life group last night we read Colossians 3:9-15. When I look at what I want in boundaries I see so many parts of this passage - I want prejudices to be reduced (destroyed). In setting boundaries I want to "make allowances for others' faults" and to "forgive as Jesus forgave me." Boundaries are gifts, like the riverbanks; they make it possible for me to appreciate others even more. Verse 15 says it so well, "And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful." Letting Jesus' peace rule in my heart helps me set boundaries that add to my growing friendships.

My personal prayer boundary this week has been to stop asking God to do certain things for people before I first stop and just wait quietly. Listening and telling God I want to be in line with what HE KNOWS is best for my friend is where I want to be.

This was so helpful today as I sat in a emotionally cold county courtroom and watched a close friend go to jail. Seeing his family's pain was so hard. But knowing I could continue to give up quiet time before God, to listen, and reaffirm that God will do the best for my friend was good. It's a prayer boundary for myself and I believe it will make be a better friend.

Have a bountiful boundary-filled life!

Friendship, Boundaries, and Human Empathy

One of my strange thoughts this week was that our sympathy, empathy, and concern for a friend can sometimes harm them. Friendships have boundaries (I talk about that misunderstood word in a moment).

I was sitting in my new leather recliner yesterday morning –the house is very quiet as Laura had left for a retreat at the beach. My old English-chap-friend had joined me, via a scrap book I’ve pasted full with things he wrote (things he wrote between 1914 and 1917) . . .life was real good. Then this crazy thought about my empathy hurting other crept in.

My, dead-for-90+ years ,UK friend had written more than once about this; he basically says that I can so identify with a friends hurts or even their triumphs that I miss being an even better friend. How’s that? Here’s what I think he means. It happened to me last Thursday night. I got a text message and later a phone call that landed me at the Ram’s Horn on NW 23^rd. I’m there hanging out with a friend that going through a tough time. I hurt so much for what he was experiencing in his life! Afterwards, as I drove home, all I could think about was the pain that was crushing my friend. I wanted to jump in and do something . . . I was building my mental list. Friday morning I was praying for my friend when I read Oswalds words about how my empathy could get in the way of what’s even better for my friend. Here’s some of the ways I could harm my friend if I’m not engaging in boundaries (hang on and I’ll dissect this bad-boy word):

1. My empathy causes me to comfort my friend in a way that keeps him from hearing something very vital God wants to share with him. Pain can make life and our choices, our values so much more clear. To rescue my friend could mean taking away that gift. I need to be more aware of this possibility.
2. I could sometimes become crutch for my friend when what he needs to do the “Physical therapy” of examining what’s in the way of a deeper, more meaningful life God intended.
3. It’s not to far-out to say that I can, unknowingly, become a drug or medication for some painful, but necessary, choice my friend needs make. Healing and freedom require us to go “cold turkey” from the thoughts and/or things that we use to numb our fear of rejection, abandonment, or bitterness.

I’m human (wow, what a concept) and I’m too limited to just rely on the human sympathy that natural roars to the surface when I see someone I love in pain. Great friendships require a bigger team than Me, Myself, and I! I need and want God to be IN me so that I hold up, cheer on, and build up my friends in the best way. I needed to talk with God more about how best to support my friend (Ok, it’s time to deal with that 80’s Blue-light Special word, “boundaries.”).

Everyone’s heard the words “enabler” and “co-dependent.” Used. Great friendships always have BOUNDARIES. In fact the healthiest forms of forgiveness spend time reviewing or renewing boundaries.

Boundaries are clear definitive reminders of our uniqueness. My skin reminds me that there is “Me-Stuff” just for me, underneath. I hate it when a sharp object tries to remove part of me from beneath my skin (That Toyota truck that hit me two years ago when I was on my bicycle!) I hope to blog tomorrow on how to tell if your building a “Boundary” or a “Fort.” Forts are all about protection and keeping certain kinds of people out. They don’t help friendships. Anyway here’s my illustration/definition of a boundary (hopefully it will add value to your friendships).

Boundaries are like “Banks” for a river. No boundaries and you’ve got a mud puddle. River banks help define and add direction (very helpful in any great relationship). Mud puddles (no banks) have little direction or purpose and they won’t take you where a river can.

A rivers existence means that there are boundaries. Banks are clear entry points into the river, they encourage growth; a journey somewhere, the introduction to the adventure! No boundaries, no banks, and instead of going somewhere you are left in a swamp or giant mud puddle (having mud fights over and over is not that much fun . . . swamps also bread mosquitoes)

Sorry, I just ran out of time . . . will finish my thoughts tonight or tomorrow . . . sorry . . . Promise (I hope)!