Confession helps with "out of control appetite"

So my friends Jason and Jessica dropped by yesterday and . . . they brought me a big bag of peanut M&M's (and other cool stuff). They are such a cool couple. (I'm so excited to be doing their Wedding this June.) The bag got opened last night . . . you guessed it, there's only a few lonely pieces of gold left (I like the green and blue ones best!). That's my confession and I'm sticking to it!

Healthy confession boundaries (think banks of a river every time you hear this word):

1) What's my motive? Am I confessing mostly to get rid of guilt and shame? If that's the case be careful that you don't use others. Remember my little mantra, "USE things and love people . . . never USE people and love THINGS." To USE people so you don't have to feel guilty can be cruel and wrong! What do I mean? If I confess some mess-up to someone else, it's forever stuck in their brain. Men, don't confess your screw-ups to other women (maybe your mom or your wife . . . sometimes a girlfriend). I've confessed things to my sister, and a very dear female friend I've know for 40+ years (I only confessed to this friend in the presence of my wife -we had agreed that she would be a good person to share with re: one area of my life.) Even confessing to Laura, I must ask, "What's my motive?" Why? Because timing is so important. If I'm only thinking of myself, I might miss that reality that sometimes when I want to confess to Laura she's exhausted, or needing to share something herself. Healthy confession makes sure that we aren't just DUMPING on others.

2) Stay away from the color-commentary! Sharing graphic details of a fall can make others fall, or at least it's stuck forever in their memory -not good! In the last 29 years I've seen so many couples share every detail of an affair. I'm still not convinced it helped with healing, with trust, or with honesty. If you are like me, you can allow your inquisitive side to run wild. I'm fearful if I don't know everything I can't trust you. Be careful. Pray long and hard. Maybe bounce off a trusted, spiritually mature friend your confession (still no details) before you share with your mate. There are thoughts that should never be shared with anyone except God. There is no RULE for this; you have to listen to God's spirit. This has nothing to do with hiding. It serves no purpose to go into details about what you thought when you lusted after someone. If you had a physical affair you might share that you met 15 times, or that didn't do certain things, but to go into complete detail is a curse I've seen so many couples struggle with. Again, we often confess just to get rid of guilt, not to be free from further temptation. I would even go as far as to say there are times when you don't confess to your mate. (This is a hard one to explain on my blog, but if you share with a spiritual counselor or trusted pastor, you might find there are times this is true - I would say this is rare, an exception.) The POINT is that confession is to rid yourself of hiding and to build a team around you so you don't fall into this snake pit again. If you're having an affair you might want to see a counselor or pastor before you confess to your mate. Timing is a gift from God too!

Finally, confession is a team gift, usually it's good to share with more than ONE person. Think of those you confess to as God's cheering team meant to encourage, give renewed hope, and strength. King David wrote out confessions for all the people to sing. He learned not to hide. He was one of the few that God said, "This guy has a heart like mine." David learned to be authentic and real. Read his story and then come back for some fantastic verses he wrote. (I promise I'm going to give them to you!).

David's big fall. Being called out. His prayer of confession.

What made David so hungry? Why was the awareness of his true identity so bruised? Read Psalm 32.